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List of the best Funny Facebook Status Updates

The original page that I posted on funny facebook status updates got a lot of attention and has grown so much that I had to create a second page for it. So here you go. These Funny Facebook Statuses are even better than the first batch. Keep the facebook status updates coming, I enjoy reading them and posting them here if they make me laugh

1. is wondering who was the first person to look at a cow and say, ” I think I will squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?”
2. says I wouldn’t say I was special, I’m better than that! I’m the limited Edition!
3. Born Free……..Taxed to Death.
4. its called the American dream…..because you have to be asleep to believe it.
5. Thinks it’s time to find a beach lined with swaying palms and tropical cocktails served all night by hot young babes.
6. You know those days when you just wake up and look outside, then want to go out and kick Jack Frost in the snowballs?
7. Life gave you lemons – tried to make lemonade – cut my finger with a knife, got juice in the eye, sugar spilled and broke the pitcher – UUGGGHHH lemons!!

8. Is dreaming of warmth, sunshine, sandy beaches, flip flops and pina coladas

9. How does paper beat rock? Ill throw a rock at you and you protect yourself with a piece of paper, lets see who wins that!

10. had an awesome day ツ I hope you did too!
11. 
    Can’t face me? Turn around, Can’t stand me? Sit down, Think I’m Tripping? Tie my shoe, like me? Great, Hate me? Even better, think you know me? You have no idea
12. The mightiest of weapons is truth. And everyone knows you’re not permitted to enter a Government building with a weapon.
13. If you really want to do something, you’ll find a way. If you don’t, you’ll find an excuse.
14. I have loved u since the day we met..hasn’t been my whole life..but once u entered my world u made me happy and kept me on my toes..i love u starbucks!!
15. India Foxtrot Yankee Oscar Uniform Charlie Alpha November Uniform November Delta Echo Romeo Sierra Tango Alpha November Delta Tango Hotel India Sierra, Charlie Oscar Papa Yankee Alpha November Delta Papa Alpha Sierra Tango Echo Tango Oscar Yankee Oscar Uniform Romeo Sierra Tango Alpha Tango Uniform Sierra
    (for those of you who dont understand this is written in “Military Phoenetic Alphabet” basically its all the code talk that army guys and gals do when they are communicating and it is when you take the first letter of each word to spell out a word, the “Military Phoenetic Alphabet” is also adapted by other groups and government agencies including the police. The purpose of this is to remove confusion from similar sounding letters like “D” and “P” and “Z”.)
    The above line says: “If you can understand this, copy and paste to your status”
16. My neighbor asked if he could use my lawnmower. I told him of course he could, as long as he didn’t take it out of my yard.
17. Life is like a doughnut. You’re either in the dough or in the hole.
18. A candidate is someone who gets money from the rich and votes from the poor to protect them from each other.
19. An egotist is someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
20. Your gene pool could use a little chlorine.
21. Without ME, it’s just AWESO.
22. The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.
23. Roses are red violets are blue, I’m schizophrenic and so am I.
24. What are the days of the vampire week? Moonday, Toothday, Veinday, Thirstday and Frightday
25. If the economy is slowing down, how come it’s so hard for me to keep up with it?
26. No wonder newborn babies cry. They’ve got nothing to eat, no clothes and they already owe the government money.
27. You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg.
28. You should work eight hours, play eight hours and sleep eight hours. But not the same eight hours.
29. One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and is too stubborn to ask for directions.
30. Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
31. I’m not myself today. Maybe I’m you.
32. Conference, n. The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
33. Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
34. I have a lot of special people in my life… Too bad I don’t have a short bus to drive them around in
35. My biggest problem with the younger generation is I’m not in it.
36. My girlfriend said she wanted me to be more like her Ex. So I dumped her.
37. My mom never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
38. Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow they may make it illegal.
39. Some open minds should be closed for repairs.
40. If you need space then work at NASA.
41. Good judgment comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
42. It’s okay to let your mind go blank; but please turn off the sound.
43. If at first you don’t succeed, buy her another beer.
44. Don’t tell any big lies today. Small ones can be just as effective.
45. I don’t love salsa dancing. I love salsa just the way it is.
46. A dollar saved is a dime earned. The rest is taxes.
47. I can tell you’re a man with an open mind. In fact, I can feel the breeze from here.

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Please add your own funny facebook status messages, I will re-post the all best ones in a follow-up post.

Find your favorite Funny Facebook statuses, Best 2010 Funny Quotes, & Funny Twitter Updates Spread the love and link to these pages

Funny Facebook statuses for 2010

1. ’s 2010 New Year’s resolution is to NOT interrupt Taylor Swift if she is making an acceptance speech at a music awards ceremony.
2. ’s 2010 New Year’s resolution is to hide the golf clubs before having multiple “transgressions”.
3. ’s 2010 New Year’s resolution is to avoid having 8 kids and getting a reality TV show.
4. ’s 2010 New Year’s resolution is to come up with another way to get on TV instead of faking that his 6 year old son is in a runaway weather balloon.
5. ’s 2010 New Year’s resolution is to see Michael Jackson live in concert.  What?  He died?  How come there was no media coverage?
6. ’s 2010 New Year’s resolution is to be on the guest list for Obama’s next state dinner.
7. ’s 2010 New Year’s resolution is to re-enact the movie “The Hangover” in real life.
8. ’s 2010 New Year’s resolution is to find hidden immunity idols in his house with no clues.
9. ’s 2010 New Year’s resolution is to finally collect on his fortunes from Nigeria… Suckers!
10. ’s 2010 New Year’s resolution is to be more like Sarah Palin a finish evertything that I st

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Please add your own funny facebook status messages, I will re-post the all best ones in a follow-up post.

Find your favorite Funny Facebook statuses, Best 2010 Funny Quotes, & Funny Twitter Updates Spread the love and link to these pages

Once again I wanted to dust off an old classic that is catchy. I particularly like the organ solo in this song. This song is by “The Animals” with Eric Burdon as the lead singer. Eric Victor Burdon (born 11 May 1941; Walker, Newcastle upon Tyne) is best known as a founding member and vocalist of The Animals, a rock band formed in Newcastle, England, his multi-racial funk rock band War[1] and his aggressive stage performance.

Burdon was lead singer of The Animals, formed during 1962 in Newcastle, England. They combined electric blues with rock and were one of the leading bands of the “British Invasion”. Along with The Beatles, The Who, The Rolling Stones, The Dave Clark Five, and The Kinks, the group helped to introduce the world to British music and fashion. Burdon’s powerful voice can be heard in The Animals singles “The House of the Rising Sun”, ” Sky Pilot”, “Monterey”, “I’m Crying”, “Boom Boom”, “Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood”, “Bring It On Home to Me”, “Baby Let Me Take You Home”, “We’ve Gotta Get Out of This Place”, “Don’t Bring Me Down”, and “See See Rider”.

The Animals – The Rising Sun – Video

Lyrics

There is a house in New Orleans
They call the ‘Rising Sun’
And it’s been the ruin of many a young poor boy
And, God, I know I’m one

My mother was a tailor
Sewed my new blue jeans
My father was a gamblin’ man
Down in New Orleans
Now the only thing a gambler needs
Is a suitcase and a trunk
And the only time he’s satisfied
Is when he’s on a drunk

Oh, Mother tell your children
Not to do what I have done
Spend your lives in sin and misery
In the House of the Rising Sun
I got one foot on the platform
And the other foot on the train
I’m going back to New Orleans
To wear that ball and chain

Well there is a house in New Orleans
They call the ‘Rising Sun’
And its been the ruin of many a young poor boy
And God, I know I’m one

1. ”the greatest thing about Facebook, is that you can quote something and totally make up the source.” – George Washington
2. Call me 267-436-5123
   (For all the people reading this list, wondering why I posted a number, go ahead and call it – its funny)
3. wonders what a civilization of puppets would use as currency.
4. Why is the jeopardy theme song stuck in my head? It is giving me a false sense of anxiety.
5. thinks the big apple will be an adjustment after a month without fruit or vegetables
6. “Women: Can’t live with them, can’t kill them.”
7. aren’t you a little short for a storm trooper?
8. has people on her mind. And they weigh more than I do… so it’s a little heavy.
9. What happens if I type here?
10. is the National Spellling Bee Runer-Up
11. thinks all who cherish the second amendment should be glad for Michelle Obama’s continued public support for our constitutional right to Bare Arms.
12. is tradin’ in his Chevy for a Cadillacacacacacacacacacacacacacacacacac
13. is such a thrillseeker, when I see a ‘Caution, Wet Floor’ sign, I walk faster
14. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone!
15. If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it!
16. Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate!
17. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
18. We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
19. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
20. If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
21. Don’t worry about what people think, they don’t do it very often.
22. Me and my wife are inseparable. Sometimes, it takes three or four people to pull us apart.
23. Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
24. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
25. I married my wife for her looks. But not the ones she’s been giving me lately!
26. The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.
27. Marriages are made in heaven. But, then again, so are thunder, lightening, tornados and hail.
28. Early to bed, early to rise ensures a healthy, dull demise.
29. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
30. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
31. For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
32. I consider “On Time” to be when I get there.
33. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea… does that mean that one enjoys it?
34. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
35. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
36. I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
37. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
38. Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
39. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
40. God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
41. The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
42. Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
43. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
44. says “!emit ruoy detsaw i” (now read back wards)
45. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
46. I wish I was a glow worm; a glow worm’s never glum. ‘Cos how can you be grumpy when the sun shines out your bum?
47. If life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, then let’s get wasted together and have the time of our lives.
48. I’ll procrastinate later.
49. I think my girlfriend has had sixty-one boyfriends before me. She calls me her sixty second lover.
50. I slept like a baby last night…. Waking up every 3 hours crying for food.
51. Make crime pay. Become a lawyer.
52. All hockey players are bilingual. They know English and profanity.
53. Answering Machine: “Hi! I’m probably home. I’m just avoiding someone I don’t like. Leave a message. If I don’t call back, it’s you.”
54. A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
55. Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.
56. I always take life with a grain of salt, …plus a slice of lemon, …and a shot of tequila.
57. A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” Father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”
58. Middle age is when work is a lot less fun, and fun is a lot more work.
59. Children are welcomed at all theme parks as long as they are accompanied by Money and Daddy.
60. Men are like handguns. Keep one around long enough and you’re going to want to shoot it.
61. Make love, not war. Hell, do both. Get married.
62. Life is like a Lambourghini. It goes too fast and it costs too much.
63. Which is worse, ignorance or apathy? Who knows? Who cares?
64. User error – Replace user and press any key to continue.
65. When in doubt, mumble.
66. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
67. If men are from Mars, then why can’t we send them back?
68. Teamwork gives you someone else to blame.
69. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
70. I used to be schizophrenic, but we’re ok now.
71. I can have any woman I please. So far, I haven’t pleased any of them.
72. Yoga class is great. You can close your eyes and imagine yourself in a relaxing place. Like on your couch not doing Yoga.
73. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
74. Just remember…if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.
75. Procrastination has it’s good side. You always have something to do tomorrow.
76. Sometimes the best helping hand you can give is a good, firm push.
77. My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.
78. A Windows user spends 1/3 of his life sleeping, 1/3 working and 1/3 waiting.
79. My wife accused me of being self-important. I nearly fell off my throne.
80. The only problem with troubleshooting is, sometimes, trouble shoots back
81. How do you fix a broken Jack-o-Lantern? With a pumpkin patch.
82. Quit worrying about your health. It’ll go away.
83. My favorite mythical creature? The honest politician.
84. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
85. Take your troubles like a man. Blame them on your wife.
86. Constipated people don’t give a crap.
87. A dog who attends a flea circus most likely will steal the whole show.
88. Ham and eggs. A day’s work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
89. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn’t.
90. Whose idea was it to put an “S” in the word “lisp”?
    … There is even more funny facebook status messages… keep reading
91. I don’t mind the rat race. But I could do with a little more cheese.
92. Facebook suggestions getting out of hand! A Facebook user being prompted to write on his friend’s wall.
93. Middle age is when work is a lot less fun, and fun is a lot more work.
94. I should really stop confusing sign language for kung-fu.
95. If you were any slower, you’d be going in reverse.
96. Marriage is the only union that can’t be organized. Both sides think they’re management.
97. One nice thing about egotists: They don’t talk about other people.
98. Campers: Nature’s way of feeding mosquitoes
99. Worrying works! 99% of the things I worry about never happen
100. I get my large circumference from too much pi.
101. How come, when my wife says she needs to talk, it’s never about football?
102. Man is peculiar. He spends a fortune making his home insect-proof and air-conditioned, and then eats in the yard.
103. Old programmers never die. They just lose their memories.
104. Sometimes, “I’ll get back to you on that” means “I’m going to hide under my desk and hope an idea pops into my head.”
105. I told my wife I wanted breakfast in bed. She said go sleep in the kitchen.
106. When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
107. My idea of a high stress job is any job where you have to work with other people.
108. Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time. You won’t have a leg to stand on.
109. I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said ‘Are you going to help?’ I said ‘No, six should be enough.’
110. Don’t steal. That’s the government’s job.
111. Every day, man is making bigger and better fool-proof things, and every day, nature is making bigger and better fools. So far, I think nature is winning.
112. Why is it called Alcoholics ANONYMOUS when the first thing you do is stand up and say, ‘My name is Peter and I am an alcoholic’?
113. She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn’t help wondering from what direction.
114. When we were together, you always said you’d die for me. Now that we’ve broke up, I think it’s time you kept your promise!
115. I sometimes go to my own little world, but that’s okay, they know me there.
116. I’m in shape. Round is a shape isn’t it?
117. They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.
118. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
119. Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
120. If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
121. Every so often, I like to go to the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.
122. I love to give homemade gifts. Which one of my kids do you want?
123. One good thing about being wrong is the joy it brings to others.
124. My pc’s bark is worse than it’s byte.
125. Bumper Sticker: Older, Wiser and Just Generally More Annoying.
126. If you can’t laugh at yourself, make fun of other people.
127. What do you call someone who puts poison in a person’s corn flakes? A cereal killer
128. If it’s really a supercomputer, how come the bullets don’t bounce off when I shoot it?
129. Caffeine is for people who feel they aren’t irritable enough on their own.
130. I could lend a hand but I prefer to give a finger.
131. Anyone who says an onion is the only vegetable that will make you cry has never been hit in the face with a pumpkin.
132. All men are born free and equal. If they go and get married, that’s their own fault.
133. Support your local Search and Rescue Unit. Get lost.
134. Love at first sight is easy to understand. It’s when a couple have been looking at each other for years that it becomes a miracle.
135. Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
136. People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.
137. There are two kinds of friends : those who are around when you need them, and those who are around when they need you.
138. A celebrity is someone who works hard all his life to become known and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
139. We can’t all be heroes. Somebody has to sit on the sidelines and clap as they go by.
140. Look people I don’t like exercise so I’m not going to walk a mile in your shoes. I’ll judge you standing right here.
141. A pessimist is someone who looks at the land of milk and honey and sees only calories and cholesterol.
142. Sign at the Cash Register: IN GOD WE TRUST All others pay cash.
143. Don’t follow in my footsteps. I walk into a lot of walls.
144. What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a four-leaf clover? A rash of good luck.
145. Love your enemies. Just in case your friends turn out to be a bunch of jerks.
146. Some things man was never meant to know. For everything else, there’s Google.
147. Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.
148. Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!
149. Girls are like phones. They love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you’ll be disconnected!
150. There are no personal problems which cannot be solved through suitable application of high explosives.

Please post a link to this page on your website, blog, forum, facebook, twitter, etc

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Please add your own funny facebook status messages, I will re-post the all best ones in a follow-up post.

Find your favorite Funny Facebook statuses, Best 2010 Funny Quotes, & Funny Twitter Updates Spread the love and link to these pages

This “hotel suite” is in the jungles of Manuel Antonio resting on the edge of the National Park of the Costa Verde II area, is perched atop a 50 foot pedestal that proudly displays this wonderful piece of aviation art. The great thing about this jet in the sky is that it’s a great way for others to see and enjoy what a wild imagination can do if you take the time and have the correct resources in place.

Just imagine all of the places that this passenger jet must have flown over and seen in its career as a transporter for the South African Air and Avianca Airlines. All of the life that has been inside excited to go see a new part of the world and now it gently rests in one of the greatest views a retired jet could ever ask for.

You may or may not be feeling that you want to find out where online this beauty of a place can be viewed more and then where the contact information is given. If you want to read more about how to get to this several hundred dollar a night beauty in the sky, just visit this site here.

Airplane Home

Photos of inside the airplane home

It’s also about having the connections and relationship with all of the many different sources that are in the tv and movie world. The idea that you can simply go to Hulu, browse around to find some of your favorite shows on television, is simply astounding. This may or may not seem like a big deal to you, but when everything works exactly how it’s supposed to, that brings a smile to everyones face.

After you subscribe, you can be alerted via email whenever a new episode has aired and then you’re provided with a link that takes you right to the place to watch it. Yes, there are a few commercials that they stick in there, but for right now it doesn’t seem to be a bother. In fact, if many of the commercials are previews of games or movies that will soon be premiered, I enjoy watching.

Another great feature that will help you and hulu is that you can give a thumbs up or a thumbs down on how you felt about the commercial. Simple enough. This way they know what you would like to see and thus be able to provide you with that. If you haven’t been there in a while, I encourage you to go and see if it trips your trigger a little quicker now.

Michelle Obama